I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
