So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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