I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
