you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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