Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
