I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
