We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
