so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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