somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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