Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
