So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
