you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
