im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just had sex bonerless
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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