Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
