My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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