Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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