i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
