I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
