I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
