I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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