he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
