dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
