Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I will pee on everything he values.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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