Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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