don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
