Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
