i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
