I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
