Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
