can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
