guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
