3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we have pet lesbian snakes
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
