My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize