I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize