He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
