just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
only you would photoshop your dick
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
