I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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