I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
