Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
