If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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