Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
