i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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