can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
