How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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