I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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