And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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