I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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