i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
