i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
