It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
