In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Your penis caused this!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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