In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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