Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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