Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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