I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
