somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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