glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
