UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
