thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
