I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize