I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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