Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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