May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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