im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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