I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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