like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
