I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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