i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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