The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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