the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
