I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
