recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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