He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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