would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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