i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize