Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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