He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
