she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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