Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
