You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
