Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
