every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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