SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
