in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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