I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
