Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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