her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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