were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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