after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
