how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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