you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
