you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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