bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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