Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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