Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
