He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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