"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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