Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want to fling myself into the sun
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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