I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
