Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
