end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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