loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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