Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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