sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
