it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
