Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
COCAINE IS GR8
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize