You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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