THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
