she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
