i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
