she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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