I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
