Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
